T O P

Got my 2nd dose today no side effects at all just some weight gain & sluggishness. Thanks Moderna!

Got my 2nd dose today no side effects at all just some weight gain & sluggishness. Thanks Moderna!

DerangedOctopus

This is obviously a joke, please stop reporting it. Also if you happen to think that this is a golden opportunity to spout off anti-vax nonsense, think again.


Chicksan

A lot of “Ernest Goes To Jail” vibes here.......and that makes me smile! Edit: You guys are the greatest, thank you for the awards!! The world was a little bit better with Jim Varney in it!!


jcs1

for the too young https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9lw5M2XJDI e: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcKjcKytVE4


DarthVince

Wtf why were they trying to kill him anyways?


cromulent_pseudonym

Not to spoil the masterpiece, but he looked exactly like a convict on death row (also played by Jim Varney) so of course that guy switched places with him to get out of jail. Ernest would never actually do something that would put him in jail legitimately.


Accidental_Taco

The massive pile of soap shavings!


truthm0de

And the rifle going flaccid.


HairyH00d

My earliest memory is of watching an Ernest movie at my 3rd bday and I believe he was in a forest with trolls. Any idea which one this is?


doorknobopener

Ernest Scared Stupid. The [opening](https://youtu.be/cP285coEEUs) to that movie is ingrained in my head.


HankInToni

Authentic, Bulgarian *miak*!


Dreadlaak

This movie was such a huge part of my childhood, but I somehow forgot it existed until right now. Brains are weird.


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whiskeyboundcowboy

You’ll never lose your keys


Thorebore

You’ll find other peoples keys.


Rockwell981S

That man just stole my keys!!


Thorebore

It’s Home Alone 12: The Magnetic Bandits


whiskeyboundcowboy

Charge a fee and you got a good hustle


ogfuzzball

You’ll make a mint in loose change whenever you go to someone’s house and sit on their couch.


Chicksan

You have to learn to smile at the little things, thank you kind internet stranger and have a great day!


imVINCE

nowuddamean, Vern?


Jkoasty

Not sure if you realized.. I think you are now magnetic .. it seems you have attracted some metal objects.


187ForNoReason

Holy fuck. I had forgotten about those films.


darkage_raven

Ernest goes to Africa. There is a reason this didn't air on TV. Other than that all good comedies. Saves Christmas still has one of my favourite Santa Claus.


187ForNoReason

Yeah, never saw that one. IMDB says I never should and it’s not on any streaming service for free.


CornholeSurprise

Its on Amazon Prime, if you're interested.


SVXfiles

Scared Stupid was banned from my old daycare. Gave one of the kids nightmares


DRYMakesMeWET

Don't think I've seen the africa one but the Christmas and Halloween ones are my fav


El_Dud3r1n0

Ernest Scared Stupid is a masterpiece.


Malcalypsetheyounger

Fun fact some the troll faces are literally reused masks from Killer Klowns from Outer Space.


CountryBlumpky

With a title like that and it being from the early 90's you just learn to steer clear


163145164150

Late 90s but yeah.


PavelDatsyuk

Saves Christmas is the best holiday film ever.


superscatman91

Hell yeah! The sultan from Aladdin is probably my favorite Santa Claus. ["Because I loved it so much. But now, I’ve taken to making notes! Well, you can’t do it that way, it shouldn't be done that way! It *can’t* be done that way."](https://youtu.be/-NjBXsmt4qU?t=3333)


doodler1977

Ernest Goes to Jail holds up - it's really funny. the rest...not so much


0tis_Driftwood

Ernest goes to Camp is a masterpiece, and I will die upon this hill. [Proof.](https://youtu.be/pQloJH1FFlg)


HoldTheCellarDoor

They ain't gonna get this camp


MyWitchDr

Same


Wh1teCr0w

Favorite Ernest film by far. Man I remember this song and being a kid and it tearing me up. Kinda showed "how to be sad", if there ever was such a thing, and that it's OK, it's a normal thing you'll experience and most importantly get over. Really love those films and Varney. Huge part of my childhood.


cromulent_pseudonym

'Scared Stupid' is a legitimately scary movie. -9 year old me.


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LoonAtticRakuro

But the milk is how they get you! ...oh. Normal trolls. Not Trolls 2 from Nilbog trolls


187ForNoReason

Dude when you’re still leaving legos out for your parents to step on, all of them are funny.


zyviec

Just don't make vaccines like they used too, know what I mean Vern?


Roxxso

I know whatcha mean, Vern!


phoncible

Ey Vern!


YuropLMAO

Hey Vern...


rinnakan

I guess I'll need a 3rd dose, my 5g chip does not work at all :(


Greenmooseleg

My service sucks!


LinkLinkerson

Maybe if I wiggle my antenna...


triplec787

[No! You’ll make god cry…](https://d12qk6n9ersps4.cloudfront.net/3801238/medium-clean.jpg)


Shufflebuzz

When you get your second shot you gotta ask the pharmacist for the 5g WiFi password


SQUID_FUCKER

You just say, 'Bill Gates' and wink at them. They'll get it. If they look at you funny, it's just cause they need to keep up appearances for the sheeple.


bandit69

The problem is that somebody out there, somewhere, will think this is real.


secondtoasterintub

Then they will vote


xaxen8

And they will vote for the person who feeds their fear the most.


Frosty_Aardvark

If you guys are nominating me for a presidential run based on my pure unadulterated magnetism the answer is YES!


AdamFaite

I could think of worse options.


Bo_The_Destroyer

I think we've already had one of those worse options Edit: I seem to have created political discourse in the comments. Quite interesting how a single, unspecified sentence did that.


sikyon

But what about second worse option?


ChillyBearGrylls

We've had first Commodus, but what about second Commodus?


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chikenlegg

Magneto 2024


This-is-Life-Man

Big things have small beginnings. At least your voter base will... stick with you...


TriceratopsHunter

They're attracted to your positive energy.


RichardMHP

I'm generally a very positive person, and I am totally repelled by this guy.


TheSheWhoSaidThats

I think he has the mettle to make it through a campaign, regardless


RichardMHP

He'll get plenty of support from the "ferrous and balanced" crowd.


xaxen8

Has anyone told you how attractive you are? I'm not going to...just wondered if someone had.


Frosty_Aardvark

Must be the hammer


bobandgeorge

That is a sexy hammer. Makes me wish I could be nailed.


Shufflebuzz

[Stop, Hammer time!](https://i.imgur.com/7KSTHlb.gifv)


DrMux

Those of us in the Cannibal Party are om-nom-nominating you...


dwdist

You’re definitely polarizing


outamyhead

Or demand answers by a specific date that doesn't exist.


Imaybeerong

…against their own interests.” I’m compelled to finish that sentence.


_Itchy_Scrotum

Then they will reproduce


savemefromme

They already do.


DTFlash

Just saw a video of a lady claims this at a city meeting. She didn't come across as your normal crazy person. Just a person that just doesn't seem to understand that anyone can post nonsense on the internet.


PUfelix85

At some point we went from "Wikipedia is not a reliable source because it is on the internet." to "It's on the internet, it must be true." I am not sure when.


wbgraphic

I saw that video. #SHE’S A DOCTOR! WTF?


C_Wags

As a doctor with no knowledge of the situation, some thoughts: a) doctors with extreme blind ideology are drawn to outrageous rhetoric just like everyone else b) is she a medical doctor? c) does she actually practice clinical medicine anymore? c) unfortunately there are always a handful of quacks that undermine our credibility with the general public, and she may be one of them Edit: it’s Sherri Tenpenny. This woman is dumb as a box of rocks and an antivaxxer who’s published several books on the subject and makes money on anti-vaccine “boot camps.” She’s a real piece of shit.


I_like_boxes

I watched part of a video where she said we're all going to start dying from covid vaccinations. Us dying en masse was actually supposed to have started by April. She got "technical," and by technical I mean that she included no more actual info than was present in the Wikipedia page for antibody-dependent enhancement, and then extrapolated absolute nonsense from that. That woman is either crazy or targeting low hanging fruit to make money.


Klistel

Then the rep asked her how many of the 5 million \[ohioans?\] who've taken the vaccine have died from it and she's like ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯


fakemath

She has a book. The one thing that ties all the vocal crazies with some semblance of credibility together is that they’re selling something.


The_Mad_Mellon

How tf do you become a doctor in the first place if you're this mental?


alphabeticdisorder

That's not a city meeting, its the Ohio state house. GOP senators brought her in as expert testimony on legislation they're pushing that will eliminate all vaccine requirements. Not covid vaccine requirements, *all* requirements. This states gerrymandered to hell, and this is what that results in.


GobHoblin87

It was here in Ohio, at the State House in Columbus, and the woman is physician from Cleveland. Medical boards should revoke the licences of doctors who pull such crap because they're very clearly violating their Hippocratic oath to do no harm.


Annepackrat

I don’t think that was a city meeting, I think that was the Ohio state legislature. Yes I am ashamed.


r0b0c0d

Yeah, was gonna say - this is a whole thing. There's whole things of disinformation videos where people are 'proving' there are microchips in the vaccine by sticking metal to themselves. I don't care enough to look into it, just saw a few clips.


Frosty_Aardvark

Why do you question my magnetic abilities? Haters gonna hate.


hotlesbianassassin

Fox News: "This just in..."


rowsif

Not some*body* [Some people…](https://youtu.be/MH8zPY1CsYY) We live in a very sad world where stupidity is a far scarier plague than SARS CoV-2


Blitzsturm

I don't know that I'd mind if it was. You'd never need a watch band, your glasses could stick on your face like Morpheus, you wouldn't need a tool belt just slap that thing on your back and you could climb up mettle buildings like spider man. I think it would be pretty badass and that's not event taking into account the new sex positions that would open up.


UnknownSense

Could someone explain what would happen to the earth if every human who got vaccinated became magnetic?


FainOnFire

Sex would become super complicated because either you and your partner's genitalia would attract and be difficult to separate, or they would repel and be difficult to put together.


ryo3000

Well... every human *is* already magnetic to an extent, but is meaningless But if we were magnetic enough that you could like atrract and gold a Hammer to your body, as the imagens suggests: - We could basically say goodbye to cellphones as a whole, Wi-Fi too and radio - Going really fast on cars could cause eletric discharges - Metal detectors become suddenly useless - Coins are now detested by everyone - Bumping into people would be a pain... if not cause our demise if a clump of people got stuck together And becoming inseparable - We would feel reaaaaly sluggish as our members became attracted to the rest of our body and every time you relax you automatically get your arms and legs glued to your torso, so moving or even keeping legs and arms apart is a struggle


UnknownSense

You say really sluggish, but I heard Super Saiyan.


HighOnTacos

I'm having a hard time telling what's actually there and what's photoshopped on. But I do know that being vaccinated will make me a chick magnet... Or a tongs magnet, vise grip magnet... Maybe not as useful as I thought.


Frosty_Aardvark

Thx I worked hard on this it's mostly real only 2 things are photoshopped :)


HighOnTacos

The screws and the harmonica? Technically three then. I'm not sure about the hammer, having a hard time figuring out how you got that to stick, and the end of the handle is suspiciously flat but otherwise it looks like it's there.


Frosty_Aardvark

Right. And the hammer is real/practical... in the actual shot but some PS on the handle. I did it quick & dirty.


cineg

but why not gorilla glue?


GenuineMindPlay

Thats my favorite shampoo


Abiesconcolor

https://youtu.be/UvrPJkrE04I


teeter1984

They’ll call you Ferrous Bueller!


maowoo

Ohhh he's supposed to be magnetic from the vaccine. Because the vaccine magnetizes you to allow the 5g to control the nanites. Took me forever to get it.


scottford2

I think this lady is the reason for all the magnet jokes. https://twitter.com/Tylerjoelb/status/1402288748575002632


antzvsabugslife

And another lady trying to prove that she's magnetized by having a key and bobby pin stick to her body (doesn't go as planned for obvious reasons): https://twitter.com/Tylerjoelb/status/1402646586379878409


Russian_For_Rent

Im astounded. This women legitimately just tried to pass off sweaty skin as megnetism. I completely believe she's being 100% serious


meditate42

And even her dumb ass experiment doesn't work lol. Shes like "why does this key stick to my neck, Huh!?" while she literally can't stick the key to her neck lol. AND keys aren't even made of magnetic metal so she legit proved nothing like good lord the levels of stupidity here are astonishing. Like what has your life been like that you can read some BS at lunch for 5 minutes and then do no further research and then be confident enough in that information to do this in a public forum? She must be a really arrogant woman.


antzvsabugslife

> Like what has your life been like that you can read some BS at lunch for 5 minutes and then do no further research and then be confident enough in that information to do this in a public forum? She must be a really arrogant woman. Epitome of a Karen


DarthToothbrush

"Any questions?" yes... so many.


scottford2

Oh that’s the video I tried to post! I’m bad at Internet today apparently. Thank you!


Super_Flea

I wonder if historians ever consider the fact that the reason all the great empires fall is just because people are remarkably stupid


ItsJustLittleOldMe

Oh my God. That woman is the source of this shit? And she's ***a practicing medical professional***? That's more terrifying than the thought of getting the vaccine ever was.


TheVostros

Got her doctors in 1984, which was before major genetic breakthroughs (human genome project etc.) Problem is that a lot of people seem to not believe things found after their graduation


ItsJustLittleOldMe

Aren't there continuing education requirements for people in the medical profession?


Rock555666

She probably hasn’t practiced in a very long time so didn’t have to renew it she still has a DO degree though and this has the title dr. and is just a paid shill and makes money on her 4 antivaxx books


Redthemagnificent

People also change over time. I've seen incredibly smart and respected people go completely off the deep end as they age


choppingboardham

I thought it was midichlorians?


Fit-Yogurtcloset-851

Midichlorians are the powerhouse of the cell.


santacruzdude

No, I think you’re confusing them with hypochondria.


cheyennerg

No he is talking about the Hypothalamus


SportsPhotoGirl

I wouldn’t have gotten it but 30 seconds before I saw this post I read about the Cleveland doctor in a wapo article.


EddyIsReady

Well if only you did your research like the rest of us! Wake up sheeple!


vcwalden

I'm a restaurant server, I waited on a customer a few days ago and she appeared to be having a difficult time deciding what to order, I suggested a taco or chef salad, the lady told me she had received both of her vaccine shots and they had altered her taste for certain foods. Prior to receiving the vaccine she loved salads and ate them all of the time. After receiving the vaccine she no longer liked salads, raw and/or cooked vegetables. In fact, she now only likes processed foods that are fried with lots of salt. I told her I had received both of my vaccine shots, they didn't alter my taste for certain foods, I still liked raw and cooked vegetables nor had I heard of such a side effect. She told me this is a very common side effect, in fact, most people she knew who received the vaccine this happened to. I said I could name at least 200 people I personally knew who got the vaccine and she was the only one I knew with this side effect. She said it was very common, ask my doctor about this, every news program on a daily basis were reporting about this and I was just not being honest with her. She wound up ordering chicken strips, french fries and onion rings. I mentioned this conversation to a couple of my co-workers and later on to family and friends and the reaction was a very strange look on their faces followed by a shake of their head and a big laugh. Where do people get a this kind of stuff?


Never_Kn0ws_Best

It's just an excuse to eat what she actually wants to eat. Was she..ermm.. substantial?


GolgiApparatus1

That just sounds like a heavy person finding an excuse to eat garbage.


vcwalden

The lady is, I would guess, in her 70's (I'm 64) and over weight but definitely not obese. I'm very sure it is just an excuse to eat garbage! It's amazing the stories I've heard about what has happened to people who have gotten the vaccine (a neighbor claims it is making her gain weight - can't stop eating chips, chocolate and energy drinks) or the reasons why they can't get the vaccine (a coworker claims he can't get the vaccine because it causes insomnia). Such craziness!!!


Captain-Shivers

Moderna problems require moderna solutions.


swaggyxwaggy

Ha!


RagnarOnTheDashboard

Fukin-a, have an upvote!


fearlesspoet

Careful, or you’ll attract Marjorie Taylor Greene.


hildamill

She’s made of grubs.


AnduinIsAZombie

It would be so cool if the vaccine turned you into Magneto.


vercertorix

Yeah, but kind of lame if it turned *everyone* into Magneto.


Maxx9393

Did you glue a hammer to your face for the meme?


Throwawayunknown55

Your body has a natural iron core from the haemoglobin in your blood. Wrap yourself in copper wire and stick your dick in a light socket and you become a big electromagnet.


jake101103

If you’ve ever touched the end of an oscilloscope you can see 60 cycle hum your body picks up from electrical sockets.


Frosty_Aardvark

I'm fully magnetic for the next 6 to 8 hours /s


TriceratopsHunter

You'll never lose your car keys again. Also after a third dose, your car will follow you around too so you'll never forget where you parked. Sign me up!


KhalesiDaenerys

Can you talk to bill gates with your mind? Tell him I’d like to be his Reddit secret Santa this year.


xaxen8

Yes yes, but tell us...how's the wifi? Have you gone to [speedtest.net](https://speedtest.net) and figured out your new bandwidth?


tamutalon12

Go with fast.com for a more accurate reading. ISPs prioritize traffic to speedtest, so it will always show up faster. But since fast.com is run on Netflix’s servers it will show what you’re getting for average sites!


BOBmackey

You can just google internet speed test and test your speeds right there in the googles.


jXian

I don't think that's a reliable reading either, as I get around 60Mbps from both speedtest.net and Google, but 22Mbps from Fast.com. My internet definitely does not feel like 60Mbps, so I tend to trust Fast.com.


cjsv7657

For best results just torrent a popular linux distro. Thats what I used to do.


Ashesandends

Sys admin here. Testmy.net is the best from my understanding due to the way it tests. You can read about it on their home page. Please someone correct me if im wrong as I've been using it personally and professionally because of this.


Satansflamingfarts

Should be tagged NSFW. Op clearly has his nuts out.


truecrisis

And he's being nailed. While hammered.


The_FinLanDer

Damn, Pfizer didn't give me this feature. Kinda bummed out now.


KillahHills10304

To watch my coworker tell me the covid vaccine makes you magnetic with a dead serious face and tone was the moment I realized this man will be angry, scared, and confused for the rest of his time on Earth. Lost and churning in a sea of misinformation that never matches what his own senses tell him, driving him to the edge as he keeps going further down the propaganda rabbithole in a doomed attempt to *make it make sense*


sangriya

atleast you won't lose your keys now :)


bitemark01

Oh no he's shedding magnetic fields!


HomeBuyerthrowaway89

Magnetic viral altered DNA shedding! My 5G is going haywire just looking at this picture


atritt94

You trimming your nails at work?


Frosty_Aardvark

I must in order to play my blues harp


radikaltruth

It took about 12 hours before I started to feel like shit. Hopefully you don’t. But I wasn’t lucky. The second shot kicked my ass for a full day


SKK329

Me too I was sore, had a headache and the chills for a full day after. But the 2nd day I felt perfectly fine. Im glad I got it in the end.


twstrchk

hey, they were supposed to put it in your arm (couldn't resist)


SKK329

Haha thats a good one!


jonbonesholmes

I'm on a rough day 3. Each day has been better. But holy shit the first 2 were like the worst flu I've ever had. Feeling human today, but still weak and get random sweats.


macbidi

Hang in there dude I feel your pain. Modern a fucked me up


ALilCountryALilHood

Yep! I’m in the thick of it now. Being in pain and not being able to sleep really takes it’s toll. Fml


SportsPhotoGirl

But when did the magnetism start? Mine never happened, I’m thinking I got a bad batch of vaccine


Houmand

Man. I'm looking forward to getting 5G too!


AtWSoSibaDwaD

Genuinely curious how much of this is practical vs photo editing. Still nice shot.


OwlsIsBetterThanMans

Aw man you got magnetism?? All I got was the endless compulsion to buy Microsoft products. I think my chip is broken.


phantompdx

Haven’t been able to remove my wire framed glasses since I got the shot.


GhostalMedia

Lucky. I didn’t get Magneto’s super powers. All I got was a crappy bandaid and immunity to a deadly pandemic.


torrediruggiero

🤣


BittenHand19

Hey did your 5G service get better afterward too? Mine did.


moxin84

Juggalo's are gonna be so confused.


floating_head

Getting some Ernest Goes To Prison flashbacks.


henryletham

This will be upvoted by both the left for the obvious sarcasm and the right for the mistaken seriousness. The perfect post.


Nitemarex

Hey i got that same Hohner harp. Neat


truth-does-matter

is growing 4 extra nuts not considered a side effect? or did you have those before?


Blue_Barry15

I can't wait for my free wifi!


dicky_seamus_614

Fucking genius! How’s that 5G working, full bars?


BABarracus

This might be funny if it weren't for people actually talking this seriously right now.


smooshaykittenface

Careful, an impressionable boomer might see this and use it as reason to crap on covid vaccine


wtfastro

Can you taste the five G's?


centeredsis

Very attractive


reap3rx

I just started hearing about this next gen crazy conspiracy theory today. It's amazing, and very scary, how quickly this shit spreads. It's not like we don't have to worry about 20-30% of the population believing it to be absolute fact now, either. I remember back when I was in high school and the internet was still relatively new that I thought human intelligence would soar I'm the age of the internet. Turns out we are really seeing how that definitely isn't going to be the case.


_astrospartan_

r/unexpectedjojo


BoboShawty

OP shouldn’t have touched that outlet smh


almightypinecone

Hell I didn't get 5G with my first OR second dose of Pfizer ... this is bullshit.


BadAngler

This is the funniest shit today.... take my upvote and stick it somewhere.


LaztLaugh

I wonder how many Qults are going to use this guys sense of humor(which made me actually lol) and use it as proof


Kurso

Did you notice this picture uploaded unusually fast?


JWSpeedWorkz

The funniest part of all this madness is that there are people loudly explaining that "PEOPLE GOT THE VACCINE AND NOW THEY ARE MAGNETIC! COINS AND KEYS STICK TO THIER BODIES!" Completely neglecting the fact that coins and keys generally aren't magnetic...


msgreennotsage

Can someone explain what’s going on in the picture?


HarmonyJaye

It’s your magnetic personality that is causing this…


spiritbx

You know, these stupid antivaxxers are complaining about getting superpowers... If we got a super vaccine that cured everything INCLUDING potential vaccine side effects, they would STILL complain. But seriously, there's a actual MD spreading this magnetism BS...


miimily

Watch til antivaxxers repost this


yldraziw

Shit if the vaccine makes me THAT handsome I'll take it


ItsJustLittleOldMe

Missed opportunity to say "attractive".