Don't ask why the item you ordered is broken and messed up

Don't ask why the item you ordered is broken and messed up

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God, that's terrifying.


it makes my feet do the thing.


Same but with my balls.


It makes his feet do the thing with your balls?


Son, that's not how you play football.


But it is how you play Futbol


referee: *waves yellow card*.


linesman: *suckin’ on player’s scrote with his feet*


Two foot penalty, second down.


Makes masterbation a whole new adventure.


It's Mastershef not Masterbate


Thank you for the 😄 after that terrifying clip.


I always wonder if that’s an ancient primate thing where some monkeyesque part of my brain is saying “grab the branch with your feet right now”


I think you are right. When I get stressed I hold my feet together in bed. Always thought it was a monkey - tree thing.


I always assumed it was the blood rushing from the extremities in a fight/flight response, since it feels similar to the pins and needles sensation when your arm or leg “falls asleep”. But I also have no idea.


Is that the tingly feet thingy?


Zhu Li! Do the thing!


Do yours hurt?


Wait, what's the thing?


Yea gotta wonder how in the heavens did people manage to cross these oceans in wooden boats


Ever heard that journey Ernest Shackleton had to make from Elephant Island to South Georgia island to get help for his crew after their ship collapsed near Antarctica? Over a two week journey through the drake passage on a wooden boat only about 20 feet long. Navigating by the stars. Absolutely insane.


Balls of steel man.


And all on wind power. If the winds or current change, you can't just keep motoring the direction you want to go. Being an old time sailor would have truly been an amazingly terrifying experience.


Sure you can! It’s called *tacking* and it allows you to sail against the direction of the wind. Close hauling produces lift for your sails in the same way that lift occurs on an airplane wing. The air passing across the sail creates a pressure differential which pushes the sail upwards towards the low pressure region.


And sometimes they didn't manage to :(


That part I don't wonder so much about




Wind power, that's how.


Or motorboating boobies


LAND HO! blblblblblblblblb




This guy gets it


Yes, and it doesn't even look as rough as it could be


It’s free returns so just turn that boat around.


Funnily enough, the fuel these burn are the worst for global warming.


Now imagine it surviving all that, only to have some dickhead at USPS kickflip it while delivering


And destroy your Halloween decorations


I feel like this might be a sore spot for you


They didn't tell you that the decorations were out in January.


They probably been out since Halloween 2019.


My shrink says I need to get out more.


My Christmas gift made it all the way from my Family in Germany through customs and everything here in the US to be lost between the distribution center and my local post office…


In all honesty, correctly packaged item should survive the kickflip. Unless the item has "handle with care", then sure, it goes through a different process, but most packages go through automated delivery system that involves usually lots of drops (like easily 2+ meter drops whereas the packages also drop on each other) during sorting process. And if your item can survive that automated sorting process it sure as hell ought to survive a simple kickflip.


I don’t know if that’s normal or if that’s pants shittingly horrifying As a layman if I were in that situation I’d probably be panicking. Christ the ocean is fucking terrifying


This is just due to the course that they are on. It is severely annoying but the bridge is going to be one of the worst places affected anyway due to its location. Just jump in your rack and put on a movie and it will be over in a few hours... maybe. Captains do this because to find a better course would cost time/money versus just sucking it up for a bit. The ship and all that cargo will be fine if everything is strapped down and secured properly.


How uncommon is it for shipping containers to fall in? Do some of them float based on the contents like having air pockets or whatever?


It’s not only extremely common (thousands of containers fall off ships every year), they also tend to only barely float. As a result, they lurk just below the surface, practically invisible, and are quite a hazard to ships.


Is it legal for me to take them? Because I wanna


This is actually an interesting question. The answer is it depends on [whether the container was lost overboard intentionally or unintentionally](https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/flotsam-jetsam.html). If the crew intentionally threw the container overboard for whatever reason - say an emergency - it’s yours for the taking. If not, it is still technically the ship’s property.


I feel like old maritime law would take effect but I have no fucking idea. From what I remember if you salvage something, you have to offer it back to the owner who then has to pay a fair market salvage price for the item back. I don't know shit but have grew a few wild hairs up my ass and salvaged an abandoned boat local to me.


The 'don't say shit about where you got it' rule applies, and no one will know one way or the other if those ten thousand wiafu pillow cases came from that weeb container that was lost, or if you're just an average Redditor.


Hey, I only have a few hundred, no need to be rude


Grew up in the Caribbean and salvage rights are a thing and built the economies on the islands for many many years. The Florida straits were a heavily used shipping channel during the 19th century. Many ships ran aground on the shallow reef system that dots the coastline. Wreckers would keep a watchful eye on the reef line looking for ships in distress. It was the wrecker’s job to rescue the crew and salvage the ship and its cargo. A community of wreckers living on Indian Key in 1830s were ready at a moment’s notice to salvage the wrecked ships on nearby reefs. The three-story warehouse topped with a cupola served as a good lookout point to spot grounded vessels on the reef line. The first wrecker to reach the grounded ship would be named the wreck master and would direct the salvaging operations. To lift a grounded ship, the ship’s cargo would be off loaded. The salvaged cargo was stored at the Indian Key warehouse until it could be taken to Key West, the closest U.S. port of entry. A federal court would then decide how much the wrecker would be paid for their services (usually around 25% of the cargo’s value). Edit: when visiting the islands many (old) homes will have a widows perch or lookout on their roofs. The lookout was used by the wreckers and their wives and gained the name widows perch because of how dangerous life at sea was.


Technically illegal, but I don’t think anyone will ever stop you. Also best of luck trying to even get to them.


I passed enough swim lessons to be allowed in the deep end of the pool at school, is that good enough?


Haha it would be practically impossible…


I used to sail with my father as a young kid when he was a merchant marine captain. I remember being terrified of the rolling and pitching. Look out the porthole: for a second there's only sky visible and nothing else, next second there's only the sea visible and nothing else. Didn't help that The Posiedon Adventure was one of only half a dozen movies on board during that time.


Former Sailor here. On my ship it wasn't uncommon to have to scrub footprints off the walls. Sometimes you get in the trough and if the ships natural roll frequency matches the timing of the swells you can get some really severe rolling.


Lololol, once I disappeared down another hallway when we took a 20 on the portside. I quickly did parkour on the wall to the star side when we rolled back.


What kind of masochist keeps Posiedon Adventure on a boat??


You have to have some variety on these long journies. It can’t all be Airport, The Towering Inferno, and Earthquake!


Alive and Castaway on VHS are mainstays of every long journey.


It’s on the maritime disaster shelf, next to Titanic, Jaws, The Perfect Storm, and the second half of Castaway


Gene Hackman plays a priest! (Very niche Father Ted joke)


Same I'd shit my pants. This is very terrifying


I would vomit while simultaneously shitting my pants.


So... A Friday night?


Saturday morning


Ship isn't gonna tip, smaller ships rock like that 24/7, if you're used to it, it's pretty comfy. But there could be something wrong there, they aren't moving.


Looks like they don’t have any power


Perhaps the ship relies on active stabilization and if the powers out its not working


This They would not be side onto waves like this unless engines failed.


Except all the people in this thread that actually do sail are saying they have power and this is normal. Probably in a big storm they have no choice but to drive into the waves in order not to roll though


It is not "comfy". Walking around sucks and you quickly find out everything that hasn't been tied down or secured.


It's almost like being on a pirate ship ride in a theme park, but the rolling doesn't stop.


We used to ask the captain what the weather report was, he'd say "Get ready to walk on the walls" when it was gonna be rough. Some days, he wasn't wrong. It's not comfy the 27th time you ram your shoulder into a hatchway because you mis-timed walking through.


Ship seesaw-ing is common? Wow


You see... There are these things called waves.


A wave hit it. *is that unusual?* oh yeah! *at sea?* chance in a million!


Luckily, this ship seems to be beyond the environment if anything bad happens.


It's not the front falling off if it's most of the ship, that's the back falling off...


I meant at this intensity. But you’re right, waves at oceans are bound to be bigger and intense


Yeah. It doesn't seem to be blowing that hard. Something must be off balance with the ship. I fished on a 60 footer and didn't rock like this in seas like that.


I would shit my pants *and* the pants of the person standing next to me. Hopefully there isn't a grated floor under me wherever I am on the ship, otherwise a lot more people would be risking a remote pants shitting


Same. The creaking sounds make it a lot worse.


Gonna come back tomorrow when people who know what’s going wrong have commented


Let me know when you find out


Let me know when he does let you know.


Let me know when they tell you what that other person told them.


It appears that the ship is in the water and the water is moving, therefore moving the ship


Doubt it.



Found the editor of simple.wikipedia.org


Nothing is wrong. Vessel is just loaded with empty containers and has a following sea. Business as usual.


How can you tell they are empty?


Due to the roll period. If the container were loaded, the vessel would have a long roll period (and thus roll slowly). This ship has a short roll period (fast roll), which only happens when the stability (measured in G'M) is large. With containers on deck and a large G'M, the containers must be (mostly) empty.


Port captain here, it's refreshing to see this kind of post on Reddit, so thanks for that.


starboard captain here. i, um. also agree.


Oh - so you're right.


Cap'n Crunch here, this all checks out.


Stern captain here. I also agree, seriously.


what if they're filled with less heavy material?


Then you may end up with the same situation as in this movie.


There’s nothing wrong here


The empty bridge is thought provoking. Did they lose engines? She's rolling sideways and not driving into the waves head on, as she should. That's a bad scene?


Searching the comments to see if I was the only one. What is going on here?


Is this the ship that broke in half?


I think the front fell off


Not to worry, they’re still sailing half a ship.


That happened when the MV *Flare* broke in half off Canada in 1998. The surviving crew members were clinging to the stern section when they saw a ship headed their way. They thought they were going to be rescued. For a minute. What they didn't realize was that the engines were still running, and the stern section was moving. The "ship" they were seeing was actually the bow section of their ship, and they were headed right for it. Oh, bummer. Four of them survived and were picked up the Canadian CG. 21 of them died. The bow section stayed afloat for a few days before sinking. Unfortunately, they were all on the stern when the ship broke up.


holy shit


Another happy docking


When I look up docking the people do seem happy


Just did a quick search on urban dictionary and in retrospect it maybe wasn't the right word haha


No no... it was.


The left half or the right half?


The left half. They were all right.


Really? I heard there was nothing left.


Aren't the ships built to any sort of standard?


OH, very rigorous...maritime engineering standards


Like what.


Well the front’s not supposed to fall off, for a start.


Pesky government regulation...


Well cardboard is out, no cardboard derivatives, no paper, no string, no cellophane, no rubbers out, they gotta have a steering wheel and a minimum occupancy


How many people does it take to build the ship? Minimum of 1 perhaps..


They should tow it out of the environment.


Ships happen, mate.


Not necessarily. If this is the ship where the front fell off, than it was a ship designed for canals and rivers only. However they decided to use it on the open sea what would ultimately lead to disaster. It's about the purpose of the ship that decides where the ship needs to be build against. Canals/river ships are weaker compared to sea vessels. Mainly because of the different forces the vessels will encounter


That's a great answer, but I think they were referring to [this](https://youtu.be/3m5qxZm_JqM)


“It was towed out of the environment”. “Into another environment”. Brilliant!


Right. I never saw it so that's why I didn't get the referrence. But thanks! 2:08 min well spent!


"Well, one I suppose" Gets me every time, I'll be giggling all day now


I know, right? Fucking hilarious.


How come I have not come around that after years of Reddit. No idea, but that was great. „The front fell off“.


This whole thread of people discovering this for the first time is beautiful. I grew up watching these two, for years they would do these "interviews" and they're both a huge part of Aussie comedy and tv culture. RIP John Clarke.


Never seen this before but its fantastic!!


This made my morning.


This is the correct answer. There was no one on board because it was being towed beyond the environment.


Does that happen a lot?


If you're talking about the recent one, no. It was a boat made for river transport, not suitable for sea, which is why it broke. This one is a proper container ship (idk the english name for them).


Big boat.


Yes you do. Container ship is correct.


The bridge isn't empty, they never are. Evidenced by the man holding the camera.


Medium sized vessel loaded with empty containers in a following sea. Nothing wrong.


Nah, that's pretty normal actually. No sarcasm. Those are just standard stormy seas. All that cargo is locked down. The center of gravity is carefully managed to ensure the ship continues to right itself.


This guy knows. Navy sailor here. We always drive parallel to the waves. Driving straight in can put serious stress on the keel of the ship. Everything is super tied down and won't go anywhere. Except your stomach haha


Crazy, I guess this only applies for huge ships? I always heard you go head on to waves to avoid capsizing. I guess this mainly applies to small vessels?


Yeah small vessels are a lot more likely to capsize if the wave hits from the side because they don’t have several tons of cargo sitting in the middle to hold them upright.


You work on these boats? What do you do and do you like it? Before getting into school, i wanted to take my 3 years of electrical experience onto boats. I would kill to be on a boat during a storm like this.


Merchant marines might still take you


They definitely use electricians. Look up piney point if you're in the US, or go navy then merchant marines. Also a state or federal maritime academy. I sailed mostly on union ships, and piney point would be the quickest avenue there. I'm not sure how non-union companies hire, and whether they help with training and certifications.


Ships do roll sideways. It’s a normal thing that they do. Edit: on closer inspection, she does appear to actually be moving as well.


It’s usually manned by 2 men, a lookout and an officer… the officer would be filming this, nothing unusual.


Plus another in the crow's nest, and three more in the rigging




Empty bridge? Then who is filming? Merchant ships usually only have one officer on the bridge while at sea. A rating is only posted during hours of darkness. Why would she need to drive head first into the waves? She looks like she is just following her planned route. I can't see anything wrong here. Sure, the rolling aint fun, but this is a pretty common occurance.


Yup sometimes the route just puts you beam-to. Sucks but it is what it is


This can happen with following seas/swell. I don’t believe they are dead in the water (engines out) just hard to keep good speed when rolling this much. Google Parametric and Synchronous Rolling. Freaky stuff. Terrifying to experience. Still have PTSD from experiencing Parametric Rolls. Yet, I’m actually about to board a container ship to go back to work today!


Not my problem, I'll just hit the return button.


Aaight we'll send you a label employee #726227261


That last roll to port was rather sphincter-clenching. I'm not seeing a bow wave, so if she's moving, it's very slow. Maybe just enough to maintain steerage. They need to secure all that loose shit on the bridge. That racket could drive anyone crazy.


90% sure that the loose shit is the least of their worries rn


I'd have some loose shit for sure


A shifting load can be very dangerous, so "loose shit" is one of their primary concerns in rough seas. Aside from flying cargo and the damage it causes, any sudden changes to the ship's center of gravity while in a roll could cause too great of a load imbalance leading to the capsizing of a vessel.


I meant the random stuff rolling in the bridge


No worries mate you’re outta here.


Just gonna pop a Dramamine and nap til my shift is up Captain


This is normal for open ocean. Not every day but normal none the less. It is due to their course that this looks like this. It would cost more time/money to change course. If they thought that it was a problem, they would change course. This is one of those "suck it up" situations where you put up with a little bit of discomfort for a lot of gain (meeting schedules, saving money, etc...).


But I didn’t order a container ship…


Well go ahead and keep it then, we will send you your order of shitting containers shortly.


Haha, you joke, but shipping containers are going for more than double in some places right now.


I think it's parametric rolling. https://www.wired.com/story/where-shoes-ordered-check-ocean-floor/


Thanks for the link - very interesting.


Now I'm no sailor, but I'm going to take a guess that something is, how do they say, fucked the fuck up?


No. Looks like business as usual. Just empty containers and following sea. Edit: for those who doubted me, see [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/HeavySeas/comments/ny5xzv/winter_in_the_north_atlantic_without_cargo_on_a/) video by *me*.


Right? I'm still confused what sucks in this video. Containers are secured. Bridge is manned. A bit heavy on the sway but it's the ocean.


The sea said no


where tf is everyone, this is so eerie


Modern ships are heavily automated, but they're still required to have a bridge watch. In this case, that's probably the guy making the video. Commercial vessels run with the absolute minimum crew. They're around somewhere. There's always an office off the bridge somewhere, and sometimes there's a sea cabin for the captain that's also attached to the bridge. That way he's close by in case of a problem under way, and not below in his bigger stateroom.


Sounds ripe for a-piratin'


Any pirates that can climb aboard in those conditions can have the ship on general principle. Pirates with balls that big will not be trifled with.


Even during the golden age of piracy, the merchant ships were always as barebone staffed as possible to increase profits. The pirates, on the other hand, had many many people on board to ease the daily workload and also heavily sway the odds of battle in their favor.


When you’re in open water like this the bridge really only needs to be manned by the Officer of the watch. Everyone else is probably pinned inside their bunks with a couple life jackets wedged in waiting for the next meal time.


I’m is there a problem or is this just very rough seas? The boat seems to be rocking severely and to my knowledge boats are build nowadays not to tilt like that.


Honestly, I don’t even think this is rough seas, the waves are big but they’re big rolls. Just 20 miles off shore have been like this. The ship is probably just going against the waves/waves are going sideways.


Please do not listen to the other guy. He is literally just making shit up. This boat is not obviously in trouble. There isn’t a failed dynamic stabilization system. I doubt a ship like this even has that. Dynamic stabilization is something that only cruise ships would bother paying for


uh imma ask regardless lmfao


Just another day at the office.


I know the containers are essentially bolted into the ship, but I'm amazed that more of them don't end up in the Sea


[ONE Shipping lost 1800 in one go](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5rX5EWmWVk) just half a year ago. [On average about ~1600 Containers get lost overboard per year.](https://www.worldshipping.org/industry-issues/safety/Containers_Lost_at_Sea_-_2017_Update_FINAL_July_10.pdf)




This is absolute nightmare fuel for me, I can't stand being on big ships let alone seeing that. Good grief


I'm so disappointed, I half expected something to fall off the ship.


I thought maybe be a capsize






!RemindMe 8 hours


It could be worse, Tom Hanks could've been captain of the ship.


Is this still the most efficient way to do this?