T O P

Raccoons climbed in my garage window and ate all my raccoon repellant.

Raccoons climbed in my garage window and ate all my raccoon repellant.

CastleOfBravo

Well that will repel you from buying it again for sure. I had a raccoon eat an entire pack of cigarettes I left outside. Like seriously, they took off the filters and ate all the tobacco. Do you know how nasty that tastes? I swear those things just don't have taste buds or something.


KingNecrosis

I imagine some of the stuff they may eat out of a garbage can makes the cigarettes taste good by comparison.


Rockonfoo

I’ve eaten a lot of cigarettes and you’re not wrong


nothanksillpass

Are you a raccoon?


phillyphreakphlippin

No one knows you’re a raccoon on the internet


hotroddbb

He prefers trash panda. Thank you very much.


ilovetopoopie

Ray-kins, bubbles.


CallMeSaltine

We're all equals here


anonymousraccoon

Hey


xwarslayerx

rockonfoo..rackoonfo.. it was right in front of our eyes the whole time!


dbj989

Wtf don’t doxx the raccoon.


MasterZebulin

r/doxxthetrashpanda


robbviously

["Honestly, until this exact second, I thought you were a Build-A-Bear."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qbmfj_v-tFc)


madmaxturbator

Do you first light the cigarette before eating it, or do you prefer raw?


Mr-Fleshcage

He likes them raw and wriggling


aurthurallan

Or they've eaten enough cigarettes in trash by accident that they now have a nicotine addiction.


canolafly

I would really like a drawing of a raccoon outside a raccoon bar leaned up against a wall smoking a cigarette.


InstanceQuirky

I want to see one like the meme of Ben Affleck (but put the raccoon in his place) standing outside having that first drag of the smoke looking like life is rough lol


FairyRogue

There's an old wives tale about animals eating tobacco when they have worms. Not sure if it's true but maybe you just have worm filled racoons


ProtoJMan

I assume most raccoons are worm-infested


mcpusc

before modern sanitation pretty much everyone had worms.... theres even a theory that *not* having worms is why autoimmune diseases are so common nowadays.


ProtoJMan

I would like to subscribe to #wormfacts. ...maybe


HighPriestOgonslav

Thank you for subscribing to WormFacts! Lacking lungs or other specialized respiratory organs, earthworms breathe through their skin. To continue your daily subscription, please respond with "Worms rule, birds drool"


ProtoJMan

So they're like the opposite of dogs then


RLTYProds

Lacking skin or other specialized...skin organs, dogs breathe through their lungs.


ProtoJMan

Dog help us


timmler87

Worms rule, birds drool


HighPriestOgonslav

Thank you for continuing your subscription to WormFacts! Earthworms come in a seemly infinite variety—around 6,000 species worldwide. To continue your subscription, please respond with "Worms rule, Toads drool"


JPowell16

Worms rule, Toads drool


HighPriestOgonslav

Thank you for continuing your subscription to WormFacts! Of the more than 180 earthworm species found in the U.S. and Canada, 60 are invasive species, brought over from the Old World, including the night crawler. To continue your subscription, please respond with "Worms rule, snakes drool"


neverphate

Worms rule, Toads drool


FuriousGoodingSr

Birds aren't even real.


Moise1903

Me and my mom are always arguing because she says everyone is worms and I just look at her crazy Edit: I meant has


FuriousGoodingSr

"EVERYONE IS WORMS." - MOM


NocturnalToxin

WE ARE ALL WORMS ON THIS BLESSED DAY


Mr-Fleshcage

she's not wrong. She's just thinking ahead.


Unwashed_finch

Orrr the people that had autoimmune diseases died young so there would be less of them naturally. Kind of like how there are "more" autistic kids in the last 20 years because it is recognized albetter and there are literally more people.


AHoleInMyLeftWing

I think the theory is that your immune system is "over-tuned" towards threats, mainly because the immune system would be dealing with constant parasite infections and needs to be on guard for additional threats. However, with modern hygiene, these threats are not as prevalent and therefore your "over-tuned" immune system ends up attacking friendly cells. I do not know the merit of this theory but I remember being taught it in college as a potential explanation of auto immune diseases


[deleted]

[удалено]


co_lund

modern immune system is bored! Fucker didn't even study for Covid....


lawless_c

There is evidence that modern pollution can get attached to pollen allowing it deeper into the sinuses than it could normally get on its own. Particularly diesel fumes


NewUserWhoDisAgain

>modern immune system is bored! I think that's another theory for allergies and auto-immune diseases. The immune system wasn't exposed to these substances early on so overreacts.


njbbb

I just wanted to say, I have an auto-immune disease and have been taught the same thing. I also heard it can be an issue if you grew up in a less-sterile environment and then moved somewhere more sterile, aka used to have worms as a toddler/small child. No sources though, just word of mouth through a few friends who were working towards their PHD’s at that time.


darthboolean

I would like a source so I can have hard evidence backing up my slovenliness and mess, instead of the depression and anxiety that it's probably a symptom of.


Cforq

This is also why early healthy living advocates usually pushed vegetarianism. The founders of Seventh-day Adventist Church also pushed healthy living and vegetarianism. People noticed when they stopped eating meat they felt better and their bowel movements improved - likely because they weren’t constantly consuming worms.


Lots42

In my theory a lot of religious text began as scientists just trying to make sure everyone doesn't shit themselves to death. "God says boil the water!"


MawsonAntarctica

I mean boiling and fermentation, ie brewing beer and wine was really just to get safe liquid to drink.


Cforq

I’ve thought about that with Native Americans using 100% of the animals they kill to “honor their spirit/sacrifice”. It is also a great way to avoid attracting pests, scavengers, and predators.


belbivdevoe

In my culture we use 100% of the animals we kill to honor the deliciousness of hotdogs.


LankyTomato

> I’ve thought about that with Native Americans using 100% of the animals they kill This isn't really true and comes form the whole 'noble savage' line of thought. Since most natives were nomadic they did often leave animal parts behind.


SapirWhorfHypothesis

I’m no expert on Native American prehistory, but were the people who said that nomadic?


Cforq

Some were - the Great Plains tribes that followed the Buffalo herds. Some weren’t - most the tribes around the Great Lakes were agricultural societies.


mcpusc

> This is also why early healthy living advocates usually pushed vegetarianism. they were the original r/nofap too. Kellogg's cereal was designed to be bland so as to (*edit:*) ***not*** "inflame the passions" iirc


zalgo_text

Yeah the Kellogg brother that invented the cereal originally made it with no sugar or salt, literally just cooked flakes of grain. He believed that everyone was born with a finite amount of life force, and the more pleasure you experienced (any kind of pleasure, not just sexual) would drain more of your life force away and shorten your life. So he preached that the key to a long, "healthy" life was essentially depriving yourself of all enjoyment of anything ever.


Mothballs_vc

I love the idea that if you're bored, lonely, and have never had a tasty meal in your entire life, you're basically immortal.


Anonuser123abc

I heard some guy on NPR years ago talk about how he gave himself worms to cure his allergies. He said the key to was to keep the worm infection in check. You can't just let them go crazy on you. I think I'll wait for the science to be a little more settled on this one before I go buy some worms.


stinky-weaselteats

Fantastic thread while having lunch


ProtoJMan

You sure are right, stinky-weaselteats


xscottw

As someone who's eaten cigarettes, it's actually surprisingly sweet after you get past the nicotine taste, yes I vomited afterwords- yes I was 6 - kids are fuckjng stupid.


this_is_Winston

There's no warning against eating them on the package. Your parents should have sued.


aookami

well theres no warning against drinking it on gasoline too,


DinoShinigami

[daddy needs his juice](https://youtu.be/H6Qq3CTNqUk)


the_gay_historian

I’m amazed you remember it so well.


Taykamuna

A whole one? Lucky you vomited, eating a cigarette can kill you at that age, as an adult eating 2 is enough


soadreptiles

Maybe he learned he could catch a nice buzz. Tobacco is orally active after all.


EveryDisaster

I had a racoon eat the contents of an entire tackle box, including part of a bobber. Completely cleaned out, no idea what it did with some of the hooks in the fake bait but I'm 100% sure it died horribly


TheAbominableRex

Ugh I had a horse that did that. Ate an entire carton that was left in someone's car with the window down.


MarshallRavenHawk

Lmao that’s terrible! Did the Horse survive or get very ill?


TheAbominableRex

Surprisingly was totally fine! Which is strange, because if you look at a horse wrong they will become injured.


Crownlol

Ya see, horses are completely immune to silly things like poison. But if the same tree they've seen every day for their entire lives moves just a little funny in the wind -- *instant death*.


Smauler

Lol... ours has got laminitus at the moment, and is pretty restricted in what he can eat.


thejellymill

My cat has tried to eat a cigarette before (my ex smoked, I do NOT). He definitely doesn't have worms. He goes crazy over them and will try to get into a box if it's left out on a table.


sadahgreen

Did he smoke menthols? I got curious and googled it. That’s very strange [“The organic compound within menthol produces reactions akin to catnip”](https://hive.blog/cats/@aipaws/why-does-my-cat-like-cigarettes)


ShaBren

I mean, catnip is a type of mint, and menthol is derived from mint... seems reasonable to me!


shitsinbuckets

My cat loves catnip but hates my menthol cigarettes. Good for her, she makes better choices than I do.


ZeusJuice91

My brothers cat loves unlit cigarettes but hates the smoke smell (smoker hands etc.). I lost a smoke once and a day or two later my brother was asking why I left a cigarette out, the cat tore it up! She also really likes the smell of coffee. It’s actually very sweet, she smells it and it’s like she knows the day has started. Ripley


pezman

wtf lol. i have a few cats and none of them ever have any interest in my cigarettes. cats are weird.


Niddo29

Your cat got hooked


Throat_Still

Says satisfaction guaranteed, have you asked the raccoons their opinion?


HighQualityH20h

They were incredibly satisfied.


Opposite-Albatross-3

They were incredibly satisfied that they went for a long nice nap!


IcePhoenix18

It's repellant, not poison. I've used this kind, it's basically black pepper mixed with chili pepper powder. It's supposed to be really spicy and unpleasant for sensitive noses to be snuffling around in.


Smeghead333

Bad luck to get raccoons that happen to be hot sauce enthusiasts.


ObnoxiousLittleCunt

On the next Hot Ones: hot sauce enthusiast raccoons.


davidbcohen

Ingredients in the picture say putrescent egg solids, garlic and cloves. Must have been French raccoons.


averyfinename

"hey george, get over here! they got rotten eggs bits, seasoned just the way you like!"


extralyfe

when I was homeless, I came back to my tent to find racoons had ripped a hole in the side of it to get at some packets of hot sauce and BBQ sauce I had. they left the nearly clean ripped open packets right next to the tent.


xpkranger

Label looks old and faded. I’ll bet it’s lost a lot of potency. Just became a mildly spicy dinner for the raccoons.


reduxde

Unless you have chinese raccoons, they eat all kinds of weird spicy stinky stuff...


engeldestodes

Once one of my neighbors had laid out ghost peppers on his porch and forgot to bring them in. He awoke to sounds outside and knew there was a black bear. Well he went back out in the morning (because fuck getting between a bear and food) and there was a steaming pile of shit and claw marks on the posts. The bear never did come back though.


degjo

Oh man, that bear was clinging on for dear life as the lava flowed.


ObnoxiousLittleCunt

The shit is made of lava


reduxde

I love everything about this story


Hokie23aa

i laughed too hard at this


BubonicAnnihilation

It's impressive that a story this short could make me laugh this hard


delicious_water

it’s called seasoning


lightningspider97

Creole racoon


NopNop79

Cracoon


reduxde

DuoLaJiao or ChouDouFu?


Dirk_Tungsten

Pandas. Chinese raccoons are called pandas.


nickcash

You can read the ingredients in the photo: * putrescent whole egg solids * cloves * garlic oil


jeckles

On the farm! How relaxing


Sparksy102

Did they come back or did they leave a 1 star yelp review?


SketchyLurker7

10/10 trash pandas would approve


LyphBB

They broke in to eat your repellant... might be time to switch brands lol


HighQualityH20h

I am not satisfied!


Tru-Queer

Who says they ate it? They chewed into the container and then hauled it away so you can’t use it on them again. Crafty little buggers.


zorbiburst

They're spreading it around their den or whatever to keep other raccoons out


hyperboleistheworst

Gotta keep those damn illegals out somehow.


Tru-Queer

Nature is so cruel.


cleverlane

If I robbed your house, I wouldn’t eat the bullets I found, I’d take ‘em and use them against you. Watch your sandwiches and popcorn, OP. It’s on.


tuna_tofu

Also not necessarily raccoons either. A good size rat could do that or a team of mice. Maybe even a squirrel.


ghozztz

A few years back, when I lived in a shittier place, rats would routinely eat my plastic ant traps so I had to switch to metal ones.


GeerjammerCogspinner

Seems like ants may not have been what you needed to set traps for /s


LucidityDark

There were rat traps as well but the snakes ate those before they could do anything.


GeerjammerCogspinner

Circle of life will get you every time


lightnsfw

Bait the rat traps with ant traps.


fozziwoo

that’s not sarcasm my dude, that’s a straight up fact


ridik_ulass

they use it to mark out their territory keep the competition away.


Kjpr13

“100% Money back guarantee”


MaesterPraetor

The raccoons are though. So it's kind of true


LordSaltious

Maybe they opened it backwards so it became anti repellant?


Gloomy_Ad_4371

I think the word you were looking for is "attractant"


AnnieDickledoo

This stuff is pretty well-known to be a giant scam to begin with. It's simply not effective, and in some cases, perhaps yours qualifies, it can actually attract wild animals.


DavidBeckhamsNan

Best way to get people to buy raccoon repellent is to make sure raccoons hang around


luv2gethigh

feeding one territorial raccoon is the best repellant there is, plus you live a food waste free life!


4ngry_P3ngu1n

Till he’s so fat he can’t fight.


MagNumStatTus

You mean hanging the raccoons in front of the house as a warning for the others


Thick-Poetry

According to the label, the "active" ingredients are putrescent whole egg solids, cloves, and garlic oil. Because apparently raccoons hate Cincinnati chili?


SOwED

It's literally garbage haha


nickcash

I've had Skyline chili. I'll stick with the putrescent egg solids.


morto00x

Coyote urine ftw. Unless you're trying to repel coyotes.


v161l473c4n15l0r3m

Well, solved my raccoon problem….but now…..


Mufasa_is__alive

Bring in the lions


ZeiglerJaguar

I don't know why she swallowed a fly.


SpoopySpydoge

[Well....](https://imgur.com/a/EFOgEE3)


bassjam1

But did they leave after eating an the repellent?


MagNumStatTus

They are waiting he to refill it


mg2490

My thoughts exactly. Raccoons left after eating, therefore the product team will mark this “working as intended.”


tiredbike

The active ingredients are the same as a day old omelet so I'm not surprised.


SalaciousCrumpet1

Putrescent whole eggs, garlic and cloves and a bunch of old nasty fish and other things? Yum for the trash panda diet


aquias27

Are you putting cloves in your omelet? If so, is it yummy?


SOwED

That sounds awful


Yogsulate

I can confirm you are not a racoon


tuna_tofu

Many years ago we had mice in our apartment. The rental company gave zero shits and told us "they just came in to get warm and will leave in the spring." That did not please me. We were warned not to use any traps or poisons etc. BUT mice arent cute - they are VERY destructive (lamp cords chewed through, holes in quilts and sweaters, anything paper or cardboard chewed, groceries eaten, etc). So off I went and got baits anyway. I got home late and left the plastic bag of baits on the kitchen counter and went to bed. The next morning it looked like a mouse battlefield with about a dozen dead mousies. They had chewed through the bag and eaten ALL of the baits. And died shortly after where they fell. Rest in peace you little bastards.


JohnQuincyHammond

Mouse poop can be extremely dangerous. Dried out mouse feces can get into the air and infect you with a Hantavirus. I believe the mortality rate is over 30%


Mr-Fleshcage

im just going to add that to the list of vaccines to get


harassmaster

The HANTA-19 vaccine


Cbebop21

After seeing this shit on forensic files I always wear a mask when sweeping up or being near mouse feces


dustyjuicebox

Fuck that rental company. If they had any brains they'd realize a mouse problem left unchecked would cost a hell of a lot more than calling an exterminator or buying bait.


quackquackmfker

The last stand of Mousestantinople!


poopyheadthrowaway

Remember the Alamouse


cherrywavessss

A dozen? Holy shit!


tuna_tofu

If the exterminator commercials are to be believed, for every one you see there are 10 more you dont.


xblindguardianx

Not always. There was one that lived in my house. We had cameras set up to catch his activities. He was smart as fuck but he ended up losing the battle in the end. Left the cameras on the in crawl space for months with no alerts. I'm sure if he made friends with a female mouse it would've been different though.


lysion59

What is the name of the product u used so I can buy it in case I have mouse problems again.


tuna_tofu

TomKat - just the baits. Dont bother with the traps.


HyzerFlip

My gf saw a rat. So I put out t Rex traps. I caught a rat. Next night I set them back out just to be safe. I had snapped traps but didn't see anything. I had 5 half mice. Something ate the asses of the dead mice. Kept putting up traps but never got anything else


Rated-E-For-Erik

That is big raccoon energy right there!


TerpBE

Where are they now? Gone? It worked!


i__dont_have_a_clue_

What a power move


XROOR

The Tractor Supply I went to in Maryland, adopted cats to control the mice from getting the dog kibble, bird seed etc.....short time later, the cats realized that high end kibble is easier to acquire than to catch the mice, and clawed at the bags of food!


Chris-0413

Bought that stuff for a couple of Canadian Geese that would not stop crapping all over the place. They brought over their friends. Applied more! More friends! What worked- sneaking up on them with a nerf gun and blasting them. Never came back!


adpqook

In my experience, a dog is usually the best deterrent. We used to let our sheltie try and herd them, which was hilarious to watch, u Tim they flew away and she looked at me like “Hey… these sheep can fly. No fair.”


degeneratesumbitch

Buy a live trap. Put a can of tuna in the back and set it. Next couple of days you should have a trash panda in there.


BayouGal

Have you actually tried to trap the elusive trash panda? I have only ended up with an empty trap and no tuna. Crafty they are.


degeneratesumbitch

Tweak the trap so it gets set off easier.


Sofa_king_boss

instructions unclear. I am now trapped and all i have is tuna to eat. Please send help.


degeneratesumbitch

You will either be relocated or shot. Let this be a lesson to not eat trap tuna.


xylotism

I can't help what kind of music my tuna listens to.


BernadetteKowalcyk88

God, it's just a plain re-direction of force.


BentGadget

You have been subscribed to our tuna delivery service. Thank you for your business.


socsa

The ones in my area just ignore the traps, or knock them over any try to spill the food.


dislob3

I trapped dozens of them with a cage trap and sardines. I even caught 2 sibling in the same trap once. They are pretty dumb.


Lavajavalamp

Then you are stuck with a trash panda you have to find a way to relocate far away or kill...


tongmengjia

I was dealing with a raccoon problem and was looking into traps, but it's illegal to relocate trapped wild animals in my city, AND it's illegal to discharge a firearm in the city. So I was going to have to drown it or beat it to death and neither seemed like great options.


Zenlura

First rule of raccoon fight club...


Damaso87

Just relocate them OUT of your city.


collin7474

My dad used to trap pesky annoying squirrels and hedgehogs. Squirrels would makes holes in the garbage cans and wreak havoc in the garage. Hedgehogs would tunnel in our garden and back yard. He’d trap them in a “have a heart” trap, and once in there he’d put it in a plastic bag, and put the end of that bag around the tailpipe of his Jeep. I’m not sure on the spectrum of ways to put down animals how humane it was, but they did seem to just fall asleep quickly, like forever


P00PMcBUTTS

Thats probably a more humane way to go, I believe carbon monoxide poisoning is supposed to be pretty painless.


JayRnasty

Black powder guns aren't consider firearms. Buy two (revolvers) and duel it out with said trapped raccoon. Winner gets to stay.


Buy_High_SellLow

Snap its neck with your bare hands. Hang the dead raccoon out on a tree as a message to other raccoons


thatoneharvey

Racoon spirits will haunt your house if you do this


windowpuncher

Get a big plastic bin and put it in your trunk. Put the animal and the trap in the bin, and lightly cover. Drive 5 to 10 mi outside the city, drop it off at the side of the road somewhere near the forest and maybe a lake or a river, let him go.


degeneratesumbitch

Either way it's probably not coming back to bother you.


TimDaTomCarr

That's one badass racoon


Christovsky84

Well, at least now you know not to waste your money on more.


golgon4

Aliens: "Honey, the humans have eaten all the human repellant chili peppers." Humans: " ¿Cómo Estás? "


worfhill

But the deer were not there so....


llama-impregnator

Reminds me of the time we were going through spring cleaning in the shed and found all kinds of dead mice everywhere. Kinda strange, given that we normally have to take everything out and destroy the nests and shoo/kill the live ones. Get to the back of the shed where we found the mice had broken into a closed container that held mouse poison - we buy that brand every year now.


Gangreless

Cloves, garlic, and rotten eggs sounds like a gourmet meal to raccoons.


mongo636

Alpha mode engaged!!!


LordZombie14

Showing dominance alright.


Redditusername00001

Are you sure it's not rats


BreastUsername

[It's supposed to work on them too lol](https://images.thdstatic.com/productImages/09ed6402-344f-46f4-a391-8b0cbd54d63a/svn/bonide-animal-repellents-2361-64_1000.jpg)


mrnedm

To be fair, they left after eating the repellant


crosseyed_cricket

They were sending a message. Just give them the garage.


disco-vorcha

Are there raccoons in your garage now? If there are no raccoons, then you can’t say for sure that the repellent doesn’t work, and therefore you must rate your experience as ‘extremely satisfying’. Maybe ‘very satisfying’, since the packaging doesn’t include that the repellent is consumed by use and thus requires periodic replacement.


Daripuff

I mean... People enjoy hot peppers, when capsaicin was evolved specifically as "mammal repellant"...


AlexJ302

If the product actually works, they wouldn't sell more. *Taps head*