T O P

What’s the stupidest thing someone has said to you with confidence?

What’s the stupidest thing someone has said to you with confidence?

[deleted]

Well maybe you wouldn’t have almost died in childbirth if you were living off the land


Grizlatron

Yeah, you would have actually have died in childbirth


Skyc2re

That government spies on people through dead pixels in their screens. smh


nurseofdeath

“I’m only allergic to macaroni pasta. I’m ok with all the others” So..... you’re allergic to a shape?


Equal-Self

When you drill a hole, you need to place your hand behind the spot where you’re drilling. He said It’ll make it easier to drill. I really didn’t want to add a hole to my hand.


casegreen201

If they don’t teach cursive in schools anymore, who will be the next great writer?


toothpastenachos

“You know, the Sun is only seven football fields away.”


kahrissay

My 6th grade science teacher told the class that the moon was bigger than the sun because the moon covered the sun during an eclipse. Edit: my first award ever! Thanks!!


moviesandcats

Totally looked me in the eyes and yelled that all I do is sit on my ass and that I should go get a job. I'm in a fucking wheelchair. True story!!!


olivia687

A fraternal twin can’t have identical twin kids


tequilitas

The sun is made of gold. We debated for hours, he still refused to believe it was not.


officerhailey

Project manager at a shipyard I worked at. As we watch workers grind and chip paint off the side of the ship and let it fall into the water. “Why are we worried about getting paint in the harbor. It’s marine grade paint”.


watabby

My history teacher in high school. She didn’t really say it but she had a question on her test that basically asked where Pearl Harbor was, and to her the correct answer was Japan. So everybody who answered Hawaii got it marked wrong. There was a student revolt and she insisted it was in Japan because there was no way Japanese aircraft would make all across the ocean to attack us. We then had to explain to her that aircraft carriers were a thing back then. She wasn’t convinced. Anyway, parents got involved and eventually the principal had to step in. The whole test was called into question because of some other questionable stuff. The whole thing was thrown out and we all got A’s.


WitchiePrincess

Coworker of mine after i they find out im colourblind: "So you cant see this?" */is holding a red tray we used to carry orders out* "I mean yea, but-" "WAIT YOU CAN SEE THE TRAY?!?!?!?" */confused for a moment* Did you think i couldnt see the object because it's red?!" "Well duh, if you're colourblind you cant see things that are that colour, right?" "They aren't invisible to me you dumbass, i just cant properly tell what colour it is!!!" Edit: I know the trays were red because they were literally called the red trays Esit 2: deciding to put in a second story regarding people and my colourblindness. I was playing rocket league with a buddy, we're in my club/clan thingy and got matched against people in a different one, so the team colours were used isntead of the standard ones. Our team's was white and the others was apparently a green. I complain about it being difficult to distinguish which net to shoot at sometimes and my buddy asks "Do you want me to screenshot my screen and send you a picture so you can see their colour?" I stayed silent and let him think about what he said, it took him about a minute before he realised what he had asked


SquidDruid

I as a tiny child thought the same thing. My Dad's colorblind as well, so I painted all the eggs green for Easter and hid them on top of bushes and was so proud that he wouldn't be able to find them. I'll admit he put on a good show on how there were no eggs at all. So I had to bring them all back and they were invisible. He's a good dad. He said he could only see them if we busted them on the concrete so if might have been a excuse to bust a dozen eggs on the grounds.


littlepinkcupcake

Someone once told me that smoking cigs will help treat my asthma bc my lungs would be building a tolerance to the smoking and that means that I won’t have such a hard time during asthma attacks bc my lungs would already be used to the strain that smoking causes. He even tried to back it up with “my friends have asthma and they smoke”


mookusu

“Asians don’t have fingerprints”


PURRING_SILENCER

Obviously. That's why so many are ninjas.


ar0berts

There are no sharks in the Atlantic Ocean. It was so dumb I had to look it up to make sure I wasn’t missing something.


Ochoytnik

If you ever fall out of a plane without a parachute you should grab onto the ground when you hit it so that you don't bounce because that is the bounce that kills you not the first impact. He swore that it was true and that a skydiving instructor had told him.


LittleRed-BrickHouse

I mean, I believe the skydiving instructor told him that, but the skydiving instructor probably thought he was smart enough to get the joke.


baconandtheguacamole

This reminds me a guy I knew that rode a Harley and said that because you're seated in an upright position if you get in an accident you can just lunge upward and grab the powerlines. And that other motorcycles where you're leaned forward are more dangerous because those people just go straight forward into another car during an accident.


Glenbard

Skydiving instructors have a litany of stupid shit they say to lighten the mood. You’re about to jump out of a perfectly good airplane on purpose... We had a block of instruction prior to my jump and my instructor was telling us about the reserve chute. “If your primary fails to open you have the rest of your life to deploy your reserve.”


Wooshifugay1

Skydiving instructors are the best. He asked me “is this your first time skydiving?” “Yeah, me too”


VastContribution5131

My brother in law said that black people have 6 toes. I'm black and said that isn't true. We actually argued over it.


Puzzlehead-Engineer

Shoulda just removed a shoe and showed him "Oh yeah?! WELL SEE FOR YOURSELF!" Immediately proves your point + establishes dominance.


[deleted]

people in high school didn't believe me when I told them that English came from England and was indigenous to England similarly, for some reason, someone in college insisted that English was indigenous to America


BuBBles_the_pyro

I was in NYC for a holiday and someone I was speaking to asked me if I was French, I said no I am English and she told me I wasn't speaking "real english". I had to explain to her that that would be difficult considering I speak English and am from England. She did not see the irony.


QueenPatches2017

I took French in highschool and learned from an American teacher who had spent several years in France. She nailed the accent and we were all extremely used to hearing her and the language from the actual french in videos. One day late in the semester she tells us "Its time for you to hear french from other parts of the world, we are going to do a listening activity. Please write down what each of these people say." Out of the speakers comes the strangest sounding french I've ever heard, The recordings were from Quebec, Louisiana, and South Africa. I had no idea what the f was going on. None of us understood a word. Madame turned off the recording and told us "that feeling, I feel it too." She could barely understand it herself.


shartnado3

Space was created by Disney to further the hoax of space/earth being round. He was dead serious, and he quoted "his own brain after much research" as his source. I wish I was kidding.


RollinDeepWithData

Wow what an idiot. Everyone knows Disney created the hoax of space in order to sell more copies of Star Wars.


yegnird

Flat earther quotes would dominate here


ljr55555

I worked in IT support and provided escalation support for the help desk and desktop support teams. One day a desktop support tech came into my office for help: the laptop couldn't access the Internet. I asked her to open a command prompt and ping the router IP, and she got request time outs. A point at which any halfway reasonable tech would stop and say "Oh, the computer's not on the network!". She, on the other hand, got the most know-it-all snotty tone and said to me "I need you to focus on the problem; he cannot get on the Internet. He doesn't even use this ping thing!"


battraman

Oh man. Desktop Support can be the smartest jacks of all trades in IT or they can be scraped out of the idiot gutter. It's really a crap shoot.


eves4263

“anne frank is hitlers daughter. i learnt all about it”


[deleted]

My front desk gym rep... "I gave them a 1 week free gym membership"... "March 27th to March 35th".


jonrosling

And it would've been March 34th anyhow.


[deleted]

Exactly... so many levels of dumb. They even hand wrote a 1 week free membership card out with the same dates. I didn't see the card until the member came in the next day and showed it to me to check in for the day... they didn't even say anything.


xaanthar

Everybody knows [March 31 doesn't exist](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhulR_kJf7Y).


TexJester

That she could never use a sperm donor to have a kid....because she wasn’t 100% sure that the baby/child would speak English....


american_ladyboy

It’s probably for the best that she won’t use a sperm donor.


the_one_true_bool

A distant cousin, who has long been a complete dumbass, once told me that whatever direction she is facing is north. It came up when I was on the phone giving someone directions and she was nearby. I said something like "go north on (x) street, then take a left on (y), etc". She overheard me and said that I didn't make any sense because whatever direction you're facing is north, so north changes depending on which way you are facing. I said "no, north is north, it's only the direction you're facing if you happen to be facing north" and she started arguing with me over it. She definitely was not just fucking with me because she is a dumbass that has a long history of saying really stupid shit.


Legitimate-Hair

Your cousin is a compass.


WhyLater

Which is short for "complete ass".


ShitheadFailure

I like this wording


sameolemike

Well, no matter which way she faces, the map says North is straight ahead so...


Y34rZer0

Has she ever been to the south pole? She’d be correct there


jim653

She wouldn't be able to figure out how to get to the south pole because every time she tried to get there she'd be heading north.


GrimResistance

She just has to walk backwards and she'll get there eventually.


ljr55555

>Thought I had a horrible sense of direction because I'd get lost any time I had to follow "head north on" type directions. It wasn't a big deal to me -- GPS had been a thing for years and everyone has a cell phone & navigation anyway. And I contained my hiking to well-marked trails when I'd go out adventuring. A friend offered to help figure out my error because it wasn't like "sense of direction" is relevant when following instructions. He wrote up directions from his hunting cabin over to the duck blind, and we both had a compass and the instructions. Walked out onto the porch, took a few steps, and realized we were both going in different directions. He came back over to see how I'd managed to get lost already. Head SE 300 meters ... OK, get red pointy direction thing to SE, walk 300 meters. He gave me a funny look and asked if I knew how compasses worked. "Of course, magnetic North attract ... oooooooh".


LittleMsSparkles

When I was moving to Hawaii I had a friend ask if they had cars/roads there. She believed they got around using tiny boats.


mohamedation

Imagine saying you are from Egypt


im-a-normal-human

Fuck houses, all my homies live in pyramids


Dramatic_Efficiency4

And travel strictly by camels, nothing else


PristineAnt9

I’ve heard a lot of confident stupid shit in my time but this is the weirdest: The council had to tear down all the new houses they built because the toilets were facing Mecca and this offended Muslims. The guy genuinely believed this.


HearthChampion

Sounds like he ate the onion. Some people just can't comprehend sarcasm and satire.


DakPara

“When I went into the Nuclear Navy, I got the equivalent of a PhD in Nuclear Engineering in six-months.” All the real Nuclear Engineers just fell down laughing. Talk about brainwashing. Edit: Wow, this blew up. To clarify the actual engineers (I was one) were designing and building a nuclear power plant, a number of the Navy guys were hired to train the future operators and run the simulator. I think we were in the lunchroom when he said this.


scramman

Having gone through that program I can attest that it rigorous. Having gotten out of the "nuclear Navy" and going to college to study Nuclear Engineering I can attest they are not the same.


jelkers_27

When my laptop had a lag spike, my friend told me the laptop was 'hacking' itself.


WhyLater

"Oh, I don't believe in electrons."


DrDoofenshmirtz1_

I’ve never seen one, have you? No, I didn’t think so.


Grunge_aesthetic

I guess they're trying to be more positive


fatalbert491

Was talking to an old hippy about weed once he, insisted that there existed two different kinds of grams, metric and imperial.


thegoldenturtle

he must've been high


ZeldaFan812

"The Greeks didn't have metal."


lowertechnology

Even to this day their cars are made out of a sturdy balsa


Tokzillu

Thats true, metal music still is not present in Greece to this day. Anything deemed "too metal" by the government is adjusted before the populations consumption of the media to lower volume, lighten harsh vocals, and edits out the word "metal" and then rebranded as "Hard Rock." ^/s


Notmiefault

You shouldn't wear a seatbelt because, in the event of a crash, you're better off being thrown out of the car than being trapped in it.


[deleted]

As an EMT, it would certainly be less paperwork.


Chupathingamajob

Right? “Wounds incompatible with life” Chart: done


wyrd_werks

I love that phrase "incompatible with life" It's such a careful wording lol


cbftw

"His head is here and his body is over there."


Patsfan618

This is, in my professional opinion, abnormal from the typical human condition.


[deleted]

And in your *unprofessional* opinion?


Patsfan618

He ded


oilchangeroo

in the auto industry we have to use "could not duplicate concern" when really its just like nothings wrong with the car lol.


ImJokingNoImNot

“Unable to replicate” in the software industry. If I can’t make the bug happen, it doesn’t exist.


Dazzuhh

aka "works fine on my system"


otiswrath

Everyone has that anecdote about an uncle who would have burned alive if he hadn't been throw clear of the car. You know who you don't hear from? All the people who died because they didn't wear their seat belt.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Gromky

And that's why it's important to be cautious about how seriously you consider any anecdote. Sure, there's the guy who dropped out of high school and became a millionaire or the woman thrown out of a vehicle unharmed. But if there are 1,000 people seriously harmed for every 1 who (maybe) benefits...I'm gonna play the odds and go with the safe route.


mischiffmaker

One of the arguments for wearing seatbelts include the probability of the unbuckled person being thrown around the interior of the vehicle and injuring or killing someone else.


edenmay163

When i was in Grade 10 of high school (In the US, so we were 15/16 year olds) a guy in my class argued with me because he was insistent that the penis has a bone, because, and i quote, “Why else would it be called a boner?”


lammpole

Interestingly enough, while human penises do not have bones, the penises of almost all other primates do.


superkp

all other *mammals* seriously. Practically every mammal has a dick bone.


AintGotNoTimeFoThis

It's connected to the hip bone


BobioliCommentoli

A few of my coworkers and I went out to eat after work to a local bar and grill, one of my coworkers is pescatarian. Another one of my coworkers, Chris, is prone to speaking with absolute confidence about things he has incredibly little knowledge about. Janise (pescetarian) orders Buffalo shrimp (which is listed under a header of “wings and bites”) Chris with supreme confidence corrects her and says “no dear those are wings” he got possibly the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen as the table started laughing at him uncontrollably


lunchladyshand

My old roommate and I went to dinner at a nice restaurant one night. I ordered a veal dish, and she got lamb. After our orders were placed, she started to scold me about “how could you eat a baby animal?! That’s so sad and mean and disgusting!” She apparently did not know that lamb was a baby sheep and had eaten it regularly all her life...


[deleted]

I had a roommate in college who visited Spain and thought that it was hilarious that people there commented on his accent. Per him: “I don’t have an accent. I’m an American.” Tom, you’re one of the reasons that people think that we’re all stupid. In a similar vein, a friend of mine in college had a boyfriend from the UK. You would not believe how many people asked him how he was able to speak English so well. It was horrifying.


gnoble22

I was having a conversation with someone from the UK and one of my friends complimented his accent. He said he liked our accents as well and she just goes “We don’t have an accent haha.” The look of utter confusion on this dudes face killed me.


AthiestSaintofYashua

Had a buddy from Sheffield. He'd come visit us hillbillies (TN) every so often. Some girls we were hanging out with had just met him. One made a comment about his accent, she found it sexy. He said thanks. She asked if their accents were bad. He replied, "You sound like fucking cartoons!"


AnAngryMelon

Sheffield? Sexy? Interesting Edit: just realised this looks like I'm now planning on going to Sheffield to find hot dudes, I'm not going 30 minutes down the road I was just surprised that my accent would be considered sexy.


[deleted]

“You’re not asian you’re chinese”


skuppx

“She’s Asian” “You don’t know that, she could be Korean”


NervesOfAluminum

The effort to be safe is hilarious


wtfkim666

Omg I get this all the time! Along with, “do you speak Asian or Chinese?” I’m Vietnamese btw...


canadian_maplesyrup

I was once asked if I spoke Canadian or American. I replied I speak English. He looked at me and said “oh the language they speak in England then! You’re from England? I thought you said you were from Canada? You don’t speak Canadian?” The entire conversation was conducted in English...


[deleted]

They laid their jacket right beside a stove. “Don’t worry it’s waterproof.” Edit: Thank you all so much for the awards and amazing comments!


Terghan

Did... did they really confuse water and fire?!


[deleted]

Yeah... I just stared at them for a minute until what they said sunk in.


Helpinghandinc

You can only get covid-19 if you get bitten by someone who had it.


lockthecatbox

Covid positive people also have to be INVITED into your home. That's why I haven't gotten it, nobody wants to visit me.


kira82

"I wish there was a window in between us so I didn't have to look at you."


Russian_Terminator

That is amazing


ronadian

“How can it be 9 AM here (Toronto) and 6 AM in Vancouver, at the same time?” - a work colleague, years ago. I tried to explain it but it didn’t work. Edit: wow, this resonates with a lot of people. I remember that she was a very sweet and kindhearted lady and she really could not understand it. I think she lacked some basic knowledge so the concept of timezones was too advanced for her. Also, thank you for the award, kind stranger.


greeneyed_unicorn

I work with long haul truckers and I literally had to explain time zones to one of them. It blew my mind, didn't he wonder why the time kept changing?


technos

The company I worked for twenty years ago had a new saleswoman fly out from Chicago to LA. She's got a noon meeting in one of the hotel conference rooms with her client, but when she shows up it isn't ready. She bitches at the hotel, who agrees to get it ready in a hurry. And there she sits, in an empty conference room, for an hour, before calling the client to ask if they were running late. No, they said. They'll be there in 45 minutes, just like they scheduled. She gets the sale, but when she arrives back she has nothing but venom about the trip. "First the hotel screws up, then the client shows up late and pretends nothing's wrong, and to make things worse my plane departed two hours late.", etc.. That's when one of her coworkers asks about her watch. Did she remember to reset it once she landed in LA? "What do you mean, reset it? It's a Rolex, doesn't it do that automatically?"


locks_are_paranoid

This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer set his watch ahead a week before Daylight Savings Time. Also the Veep episode where Jonah kept missing stuff because he forgot to set his clock back, and then he set it in the wrong direction.


LadleFullOfCrazy

A visiting professor insisted that Day light saving time is needed at latitudes closer to the equator instead of farther from the equator. She then claimed that she lived in the USA for a while and she had experienced DST herself. Her reasoning was that New York observes DST and New York was near the equator. When I pointed out that it snows in New York and it's not close to the equator, she claimed that she had been there and it never snows in New York. We live in India, within the tropics and we don't observe DST but she claims we are far from the equator. She was easily the most arrogant piece of shit I have ever met. She was wrong about so many things but aggressively yelled what she thought was right.


SC2sam

My SSgt while I was on active duty fairly new to the base said straight up "why are you always trying to learn all the time, just stop it it's stupid". He didn't like it that I asked questions about wtf I was doing and why I was doing it. How else was I supposed to know how to do my job?


averyconfusedgoose

Good soldiers always follow orders goofy.


yog_yog

"I believe the ferrets have layed their eggs again in the attic. I hear them strolling around since a few days".


Aevek

...again? I have so many questions


_toodamnparanoid_

They probably mistook their semi-aquatic egg-laying mammal of action for a ferret.


inferiorcritic

He's Ferret, Ferret the Platypus!


p_larrychen

You *cannot* just drop a quote like that without context.


BehavioralWaffle

Was talking with a few friends and one of them got on the topic of going to a gynecologist appointment and said, "Well, while he's down there, he might as well do a prostate exam." Chaos ensued when she refused to believe that women didn't have a prostate.


jnseel

In my first semester nursing class at a community college, a middle-aged guy behind me confidently corrected the 3 female instructors who were demonstrating how to insert a catheter... If you insert the catheter tube into the vagina instead of the urethra, you’re supposed to leave it in place until you can correctly insert a new, sterile cath into the urethra. It kinda acts like a bookmark, so you don’t make the same mistake twice. Anyways, this guy *confidently* informs the, again, *female* instructors that there’s only 2 holes down there, not three (one for poop, one for sex/pee/menstruation), and how could any idiot possibly mistake the anus for the urethra?? Couldn’t wrap his brain around the fact that there are 3 holes, because if each hole had its own purpose, there would need to be 4 (sex, pee, menstruation, poop). Needless to say, he did not move on to the next semester. ETA: the moral of this story is not that you are dumb if you didn’t know women have three holes (but now you do!). It’s that no one should be dumb enough to argue with nursing instructors who hold advanced degrees about the anatomy they possess and work with on a regular basis.


bananaoohnanahey

Fortunately I grew up knowing there were three holes because my mom won’t say the word vagina. She called it “the middle hole” which is so much grosser.


colbywankenobi0

Probably not the stupidest but, "they didn't have planes in ww1" this was said while we were playing battlefield one from a highschooler who has seen its the great pumpkin charlie brown at least a couple of times. Also, to make this better this happened on three separate occasions.


sane-ish

The disparity in technology was incredible though. In the beginning cavalry were still being used.


colbywankenobi0

Ya, I remember reading about one battle between the Ottomans and Russians. In which the Russians were heavily outnumbered and retreating. Until a group of maybe 100 (can't remember exactly) cavalry charges the ottomans and caused so much chaos that they started to retreat. Also, the Italians would use units of soldiers on bicycles because when troops took a trench they were too tired to defend it, so some troops on bicycles would come and help out. You might know these, I just like the two stories, it's been a little while since I've researched ww1.


bjergdk

When the Germans invaded Denmark in WW2 we still had bicycle troops lol. Imagine looking at a German Tiger tank while riding your bicycle with your little Madsen rifle.


hoboshuffle

Why would I stir my coffee? Sugar floats.


rrl

1/4 is greater than 1/2


AldoTheApache45

There was a guy I knew from the UAE in college with me. We were talking about track and field for some reason and he blurts out “Ya, women shouldn’t be running so fast because their ovaries will burst”. He was absolutely serious and insisted this is a well known fact taught in High School biology.


TheOnesLeftBehind

Same line of thinking that made men not want to let women on trains when they were invented because they though their bodies couldn’t handle it and their uterus would fly out of their body at those speeds.


geode08

Prior to the 1970’s, it was widely believed that long distance running was dangerous to a woman’s health, causing that woman’s uterus to fall out of her body, their legs to get too large & maybe even grow hair on their chest. Women didn’t believe those ridiculous claims & continued pushing for their right to run marathons & other long distance events, and soon enough, the insane fears were put to rest given the worst fears didn’t actually occur.


blackeyedtiger

"Canada is part of the United States," my Canadian friend told me once


Birdgang_Truzz

Legit I think some people confuse North America with United States of America. Not saying it isnt outrageous, but at least I get how it happens.


Echo127

One of my Canadian friends was arguing that we should call Mexicans Americans because they lived in North America. So I started calling him an American and he didn't like it very much.


MostlySpiders

I used to work in a lab where origami was a pretty big thing, so there were origami figurines all over the place. Some guy comes to visit and comments on the figures and says "Those are nice, what are they called? Macramé?" I said "They're origami." He responded, "I'm pretty sure it's macramé. I'm usually right about this sort of thing." **I'm usually right about this sort of thing!** Edit: Didn't expect that to blow up. You are all the best! (And I'm definitely right about this sort of thing)


american_ladyboy

It’s almost like the same few characters keep appearing throughout this thread.


Puzzlehead-Engineer

Well. Obviously. **You're not!**


RyanPelley

My dad's story. A co-worker told my father that you should always bring someone with you in the operating room when you're having surgery or else the doctor will molest you. I mean, I'm sure it's happened but apparently the guy was 100% convinced that every doctor would do it.


Bedlambiker

I mean, the surgeons *did* mess around with my chest during my breast reduction...


uphillalltheway

How many breasts are you down to now?


peacemaker2007

Three


psychiatricpenguin

"you should try to incorporate cinnamon and apple cider vinegar into your diet, then you can get off the insulin and use more natural products to control your blood sugar" I'm a type 1 diabetic


NomzillaShaw

Have you tried not being diabetic?


psychiatricpenguin

I honestly have and it landed me in the ICU lol


WisconsinWolverine

If you just quit taking your insulin then you could live the rest of your life without it! /s /fellow type 1 here.


Stetofire

Technically correct is the best kind of correct


TrashyMcTrashacct

'Amsterdam is a city in London'. I couldn't even begin to explain how wrong she was.


Ladis_Wascheharuum

Psshh. What an idiot. Everyone knows London is the capital of Great Britain. Amsterdam is the capital of Europe, a completely different country.


discostud1515

My buddy just told me he gave $2500 to an influencer on YouTube to help sell his book. It resulted in zero new sales.


BROwn_Tash

Hey can your buddy also send me money to sell nothing


BlaiseTEvans

That the way I’m pronouncing my own name is wrong


iamsuperkathy

An aunt made my 18th birthday cake and spelled my name wrong. When it was pointed out, she said, "that's the way I spell it". She was insinuating that my mother spelled it incorrectly.


freethenipple23

The sibling shade is strong with that one


jedimindfulnesstrick

"You're blind, so you don't need to wear a mask". Uhhh... w...?


MeddlingDragon

Well, yeah, how will they use their echolocation to find their way around if they're wearing a mask?


ImpossibleHanley2

_If I can't see the virus the virus can't see me..._


insertcaffeine

"All you need to do is take cannabis oil three times a day, every day, and eat a whole vegan diet. Nothing processed, nothing artificial. I've done my research. If you give me your number, I'll text you some links." ಠ︵ಠ Come ON, dude. I was just trying to walk my dog in peace. He asked why I was wearing latex gloves to pick up after her, I said I was neutropenic because chemo... and then he dropped that on me. For the record, I told him that my oncologist has done her research too, and I'm following her recommendations.


Laziness_supreme

Everyone had a miracle cure for my mom when she was first diagnosed. Drove me fucking nuts. “Don’t put poisonous chemo in your body! Just drink celery juice” “Alkaline water! Cancer can’t survive in an alkaline body!” “Lemons! Eat as much lemon as you can stand every day!” Um no. Oncologists are pretty well educated on cancer treatment, thx.


Jesus_De_Christ

Not the most stupid thing. Just most recent. Girlfriend asks me why I keep shutting off the water in the kitchen. Because she wasn't using it and was over at the stove. She proceeds to tell me that it costs more if you keep turning it on and off instead of letting it run.


itsokayiguessmaybe

I hear this all the time with electric motors. Like the using more gas if your car idles for a minute than it takes to start. Wonder if she applied this to everything. God forbid she operate a stove.


OrangeTree81

I had family in Hawaii when a hurricane was about to hit. I was worried about them and had a coworker tell me “don’t worry about it, they’re going to move the hurricane out of the way. They can bring them on they’ll push them back”


TwaMwa-

A friend of mine is from Chinese origin but was born in France like the rest of us. A girl in our class deadass asked me if it meant the mother of my friend took a plane to China while she was pregnant to have her daughter be Chinese. We were 17 and in a scientific curriculum


[deleted]

You can mix brown and red paint to make yellow. The worst part is that I’m an actual painter. He didn’t believe me when I said yellow is a primary color and impossible to mix using two other colors. So I let him have some paint and take his time mixing the color yellow.


H3rta

"I can't make you cum because your legs are short and girls with short legs can't cum easily."


Allisade

For him it was true. Also, for him, women with long legs had trouble...


-LittleMissSunshine

"You sound very controlling from the way you asked me 'excuse me where is the toilet?' " that ridiculous woman was my supervisor. All I did is minding my own business.


bttrflyr

If you were being dominant, you would’ve just shit right on the floor in front of her and walked away!


ImpossibleHanley2

**aggressively asks for the direction of the toilet**


freecain

"Waterboarding isn't that bad. It's just where they drip water on your head."


Guvnuh_T_Boggs

I think they've confusing it with another form of water torture, where they **do** just drip water on your head. For hours and days.


wowwoahwow

Which apparently is a lot worse if they drip it in random intervals. Adam Savage, on his YouTube channel, mentioned how they did a mythbusters episode on it, and afterwards he got a random email saying something along the lines of “we have found better results if you randomize the interval between drops” (sketchy, right?) and that way it is harder to ‘meditate’ through it. Edit: I think it was his YouTube channel... I saw it on YouTube anyways.


weirdgroovynerd

You know how the pretty girl at the salon washes your hair in the sink? It's *just* like that.


OneCatch

I had a teacher in school who confidently claimed that sharks were mammals.


JugOfVoodoo

While working in a school I heard a substitute teacher tell children that birds are mammals because "they have meat".


RigbyAtNight

Probably confusing them with dolphins, whales, sea lions, etc.


indianayall

I worked at CVS and this woman was buying a 6 pack of Smart Water. She asked me if it would make her smarter and when I said no she asked to speak with a manager?


widespreaddead

You should have told her she couldn't possibly get any dumber.


indianayall

So I definitely laughed and said “no....?” and I think that’s why she asked for a manager. She got mad because I made her feel dumb about her smart water.


grootbutmadeofbamboo

>Get me your manager so I can tell them how dumb my question was too.


madeamashup

"I'm sorry, I misspoke. *You* might actually get smarter"


[deleted]

"I don't know the number for 9-1-1"


Why-did-i-reas-this

Where's the 11. I can't find the 11!


resplendent_scofflaw

"I can't be infected with HPV because I no longer have a cervix."


dr-cullen

“If you have anxiety, why are you social?”


reddicyoulous

"If you talk a lot, why don't you say anything?"


Thanks_I_Hate_You

This. I was really insecure and had problems when I was younger so my lizard brain decided a good idea to defend myself publicly was to say a lot of nonsensical b.s. without actually "saying" anything, so no one ever knew my interests or what I was really thinking (because I was afraid that people would use that knowledge against me) never made a lick of sense and the worst part is it's such a deeply ingrained habit of mine that I still do it years later.


Illidariislove

I had a co-worker, 45 year old white dude from interior Saskatchewan argue with me that the Chinese phrase he heard that one time was absolutely correct and that I just didnt know it. I am Chinese, born in China and speaks fluent Mandarin and Cantonese.


Brad12d3

I had a friend that I went to film school with and lived with him in LA for a couple of years. He could get pretty arrogant with his "film knowledge ". He once told me in all seriousness that a guy high up in the industry revealed to him that Steven Spielberg wasn't on set for War of the Worlds and directed it over the phone. It made zero sense to me at the time but he was pretty confidence in its authenticity. It didn't click with me until I thought back to it years later that someone was probably trashing War of the Worlds and said that Spielberg was "phoning it in".


Meowow912

This was over Facebook Her: "You wont need a liver transplant if you ingest these essential oils and you can make money by selling them." Me: "I'm on oxygen and can't walk 5 feet with out passing out also not allowed to drive she how will I be able to sell that stuff?" Her: " Well after a week of using the oils you wont need oxygen." I blocked her on Facebook after that. She told my aunt that she tried to help me but I was rude so it will be my fault when I die.


[deleted]

Jesus fucking christ. Also, just out of curiosity: why are you on oxygen? What happened?


Meowow912

I had something called hepatio pulmonary syndrome. My liver was sort of attacking my lungs and was causing shunting in my lungs (like holes). The only cure was a liver transplant. She found me in a facebook page a friend of my mom's made to help me find a living doner. So this woman who was in an essential oil selling mlm/pyramid scheme thing came on to a facebook page for a sick person and tried to pedal her oils. I'm good now had the transplant a year and a half ago.


Jko9823

That the ocean is salty because of all the cum from marine mammals


mueorenda

When I was in the 9th grade I argued with some 12th graders about how to spell Wednesday They didn’t believe it was w-e-d. The teacher had to come out of his office and tell them I was right.


Vaganhope_UAE

That dinosaur bones are man made by scientist to convince us there is no god


NicheNitch240

Oh my God. I literally posted this about my husband's coworker. Except he said it was the CIA and that they were trying to convince us there is no God so that they can introduce the New World Order. Lol


kal_el_diablo

People like that live in such an exciting world. Conspiracy, intrigue, a secret war against the heavens ... The real world that I live in is so dull by comparison.


[deleted]

[удалено]


LiliJavakhishvili

I was asked what country I’m from and I replied Georgia. The person then said “oh, honey that’s a state. That’s not a country” 🙄


emmittthenervend

"Capital city Tbilisi, and former member of the Soviet Union. And we kindly request y'all mind your Ps and Qs."


Birdapotamus

My friends wife believed me when I told her La Quinta means "behind Denny's". He told me later she argued with her sister about it.


weirdgroovynerd

It's a joke in the hotel industry because you often find Denny's restaurants next to the La Quinta hotels.


CookieDud248

Said to me and my twin sister, "How do you know who is who? Like, how do *you* know you're (me) and not (twin)." I had no idea someone could ask such a stupid question. I didn't even know how to answer them, we just gave them a strange look.


Headup31

A JW at work “There is not one scientist in the world that that believes in evolution”.